NBCBSNN reported today that sources close to the president divulged, on condition of anonymity, that President Trump blurted out “Some of those Saudi sword dancers’ butts looked pretty trim and grabbable, if they weren’t dudes.”
Chuck Schumer immediately called for a special prosecutor to investigate Trump for harassment, homophobia, and disclosure of classified presidential lusts. Nancy Pelosi said: “Well, he has to uncover the dancers to see what’s under the robes.”
Sean Spicer was hiding in the bushes. Ann Colter was formulating something fiendishly clever but did not immediately return calls. Rachel Maddow scheduled a 4-hour special on MSNBC.
Pressure is mounting for Attorney General Jeff Sessions to appoint an independent figure like James Comey to get to the bottom of these serious allegations. “I don’t see how he can avoid impeachment if he doesn’t move quickly to clear this up,” said disinterested commentator Hilary Clinton.