Trump Exposed. The Shocking Revelation That Ensures Impeachment. A Tribe Exclusive.

by | May 27, 2017 | Peak Absurdity, Politics, Shawn | 0 comments

Been thinking. The Trump collusion story finally makes perfect sense. The New York real estate mogul was sure the DNC and Podesta had compromising dirt on their computers. So what did he do? Did he talk to a guy who knows a guy and hire a hack job here local for a couple million? (Put American hackers back to Work Again!) NO!
 
He let loose his campaign to negotiate with Russia over global cables that everyone knows are spied on by all the cool agencies from every nation and villain in the Bond movies.
 
“Hey, Vlad, the New York Times is being pretty rough on me. Do you think you could dig up some dirt on Hillary and could you see if you can, ya know, change the narrative? That would be yuge if you could counter her billion dollar campaign machine, and neutralize the full weight of America’s media and give me the presidency.
 
“If you could do that for me, you have no idea the things I’ll do for you! I’ll increase US energy production to torpedo your major global asset. I’ll increase US defense spending. I’ll badger NATO to increase its own defense spending. I’ll blow up your toy dictator’s planes in Syria. I’ll bash you at the UN. This is a deal you can’t refuse!
 
Vlad calls back on the red Bat Phone, assured of total confidentiality. “This sound good, Donald. I’ll give you election. I’ll take off shirt and flex pecks. Ladies go crazy. I’ll…
“Wait. No, not necessary. I got American voters under little finger. They do what I want. I’ll just leak few Podesta emails to show what weasel is Hillary. Then you win. Then you do all you promise. Da?”
 
“Wait, Donald…offer only include weasels DNC and Podesta. I’m not sharing stuff I got from bathroom server. That stuff too potent and sensitive.”